Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
