ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
