Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
