I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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