Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
