btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
