benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
