i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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