he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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