i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
