the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
