Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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