Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
