I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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