I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
