sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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