I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Randomize
