I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
