Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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