come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Never joke about your clitoris.
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