Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
