I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
