I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
they need to just BURY HIM!
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
