I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
