I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
