i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
