i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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