Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Randomize
