I just gift wrapped bread.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
