He asked to "fluff my boner.."
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
