I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
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