I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
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