I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
