when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
