So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
