My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
