You just made me feel so damn special
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
