Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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