Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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