i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
