i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
