He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
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