Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
