I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
