i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
