1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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