Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
