dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
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