Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
