Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
