I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
