She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Is Oprah even human
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
